The Agony of Goodbyes

How many times in a day do we say "hello" and "goodbye" without even realizing it? As a greeting we may say it quite often. Saying hello can be as simple as nodding our heads or as complicated as greeting someone we are unsure will respond back. But saying goodbye? Now that can be agony.

We often say goodbye to classmates, co-workers, family, and friends throughout our lives. In doing so we are also saying goodbye to a school, a job or career, a home, a relationship, a lifestyle, a safety net and more.

Sometimes goodbyes are happy, sometimes they are necessary, and often they are painful. Would saying goodbye be easier if we knew we had to say goodbye? If we had a prolonged time to say all that we wanted? As in saying goodbye to a loved one who is dying?

Would saying goodbye be easier if we didn't know it would be our last goodbye? If we never got the chance to say it personally? As in a missing loved one, or in a sudden death?

I have, as I'm sure most of us have, said goodbye to loved ones with chronic illnesses and to loved ones who passed away suddenly. I've had to say goodbye to my hometown and to long term relationships. Sometimes people have said goodbye to me. They have all been agonizing in different ways. They all represented change and loss.

I believe saying goodbye is a form of closure. Recently I learned that it is thought the word goodbye originated from "God be with you." I would like to believe I've been offering a blessing all these years without realizing it.

As one gets older greetings, words, thoughts, sentiments, all become more important to express. More urgent. More relevant. The words "hello" and "goodbye" become more than mere ritual, mundane greetings. They express love and gratitude and compassion.

A goodbye does not have to be said in one word or in words at all. It can be expressed in many ways. From an action, to a gift, to a smile and a nod, through a painting or a song, through the silence of just being close by. As agonizing as it is to say goodbye to something or someone that means everything to us...it is vital to do so. For their sake as well as ours. Just ask anyone who never got the chance to say goodbye.

"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained." ~ Unknown

Until next post,
Valerie