Sometimes it works out and you look back and say thank God I decided to try this, it changed my life.
Other times it does not work out.
Making a choice to decide to do something because it is the right thing to do or saying I need to put how I feel aside and focus on this person's needs, can lead to feelings of resentment, fear, uncertainty, turmoil and more.
I have never been very good at putting myself first. I always felt selfish if I voiced an opinion to do something that went against the majority. I've learned the hard way that if a person does not take care of him or her self first and see to their own needs, it can be very unhealthy and affect every relationship in their life.
From a small decision, such as what to eat for dinner, to a larger choice such as where to move, if you are putting other's needs before your own, in time you may lose a sense of who you really are. Resentment and anger will build up and lead to confrontations and the worst part is the other person may not even be aware something is wrong. How could they if YOU decided and did so with a smile just to fulfill their needs.
Putting yourself first is not selfish. It is important. If you do not take care of yourself you will be unable to take care of any one else. If you neglect your health, you will get sick. If you don't speak up, others will speak for you. If you do not stand up for yourself, others will push you around. If you don't follow your dreams and make decisions in your life that coincide with these dreams, you will be unhappy.
My children, in their grown up wisdom, recently told me, although something might be the right thing to do, it doesn't mean it's the right thing for ME to do.
Decisions are difficult to make. In very important decisions someone ends up getting hurt in the short term but if you are not careful, a decision made with disregard to your own needs, can negatively affect your life in the long term.
Prayer, contemplation, asking questions, looking at the big picture realistically and not just the emotion of the moment are all necessary ways of coming to the right decision.
Putting yourself first is not selfish. Doing for someone else while harboring feelings of resentment is unfair to the other person.
Hugs to anyone facing a major decision, I know it's not easy.