My Mother

My Mom and Me

Tomorrow marks four years since my beautiful mother passed away, suddenly, after just celebrating her 60th birthday in August.

Losing someone is painful.  Losing someone unexpectedly is even more painful.  Losing your mother is beyond painful.  It is numbing.

I still find that I cannot adequately express what it feels like.

Dr. Roberta Temes describes three types of behavior found in those suffering from grief and loss in her book "Living with an empty chair - a guide through grief" as:

• Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
• Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
• Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

I can attest that her description is accurate.  I can't even remember much about the first year following my mother's death.

In addition, because she passed away the Monday before Thanksgiving and her service was the day after Thanksgiving, it has been difficult to celebrate this particular holiday without feeling her loss immensely.

Still, I am here to say there is hope for those grieving at this very moment.  I know people who just lost someone in their family and I feel such empathy for what they are going through.  I want to fast forward time to be able to show them that it does get better with each passing year.  We never fully get over the loss but we adapt and learn how to cope with those intense, earth shattering moments that happen from time to time.

Those moments when we hear a song, see a place, read our loved one's name, come across a picture, or celebrate a special event without their presence and immediately think of that person.

I have suffered many losses over the last ten years, and each one has had a profound affect on my life but none like the loss of my mother. I miss her loving ways but I am grateful she is no longer suffering.

After I was able to finally control my emotions long enough to go through her personal items, I was surprised to find out I was more like her than I ever imagined.  I wish I knew her when she was a young woman.  The items helped me feel more connected to her but I wish I knew what her dreams had been.

Now I focus on celebrating my mother and the many wonderful memories I have with her.  Thank you God for such a priceless gift for 43 years.

Love you Mom,

Valerie